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13 Things You Did The First Time You Started Seeing Patients

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1. You ironed your shirt and trousers twice before hanging them up the night before

 

2. …and your shoes shined like mirrors

 

3. You filled your pockets with the essential…pen, stethoscope and the cheese and onion book

 

4. You thought you misheard when the consultant told you to take a full medical history, examination and present in 15mins

 

5. But, it took you 10 minutes just to say hello and explain who you are

 

6. When you have an elderly patient and the entire time is spent writing their past medical history…

 

7. …and after 15 minutes you realise you need to write their drug history down too

 

8. When you come to present your patient and can’t remember either your own name or your patients’

 

9. Other than taking selfies with it, you have no idea how to use your stethoscope…

 

10. …and you’re terrified of wearing it in case you’re mistaken for a qualified doctor

 

11. You feel like you’re in a show when you alcohol rub your hands clean in front of patients

 

12. Anything that is not bare below the elbow will be surgically removed

 

13. But in the end, talking to the patients and learning all about them, reminds you why you wanted to be a doctor

 

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9 Medical Terms You Can Use Everyday To Sound Smarter 🤓

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1. Why sneeze when you can sternutate instead?

 

2. Heavy night last night? Why not tell your consultant you have veisalgia instead of saying you have a hangover?

 

3. Have you got a rumbling tummy? Surely you mean borborygmus?

 

4. Why have goosebumps when you can have horripilation instead!

 

5. Ate too much ice cream again? Do you have an ice cream headache or sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia?

 

6. Do your armpits smell foul? Go buy some deodorant to cover up your hircus!

 

7. That medical student who has been to one too many sports nights – a diagnosis of faecal encephalopathy seems appropriate!

 

8. You know when that random relative asks for a specific diagnosis for their vague sounding arm pain? Intermittent idiopathic myalgia will do nicely!

 

9. Is your nose running because you put too much hot sauce on your food? It seems like you have a case of gustatory rhinitis!

 

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LISTS

10 Types of Medical Students During Exams

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1. The genius! No notes, no papers, no pens….just listens and absorbs

 

2. The note-taker: Extensive file upon file of meticulous notes that Hermione Granger would be proud of!

 

3. The old school: Quill and parchment paper!

 

4. The techie: A minimum of Macbook, iPad, iPhone and second Macbook are needed in every lecture!

 

5. The recorder: Dictaphone and phone recordings more extensive than the CIA and FBI!

 

6. The non-attender: Works from home with a cup of coffee and Netflix breaks!

 

7. The librarian: Can be found without fail and has their own reserved table!

 

8. The mind-map: Beautiful drawings of every topic with colour co-ordination!

 

9. The list-maker: Alphabetic lists with every possible differential and treatment plan

 

10. The questioner: Question and answers are the way forward!

 

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LISTS

12 Things You Do On Your First GP Attachment

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1. Your GP practice can range from looking like a normal house…

 

2. …to the size of a mini-hospital!

 

3. History, examination and diagnosis all in 10 mins???

 

4. No more paper notes! Everything is computer logged!

 

5. Any patient can walk through the door from little kids…

 

6. …Young adults…

 

7. …and the elderly!

 

8. GPs are true multi-taskers and cover all specialties in all patients!

 

9. Some GPs have specialist interests like minor surgery

 

10. GPs can treat a patient there and then…

 

11. …refer to the hospital for a specialist…

 

12. …or in emergencies send straight to the emergency department

 

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